Reacting vs. Responding

Whenever you get upset, angry or annoyed, often times the underlying cause is a feeling of helplessness, of being out of control and thus NOT in control.  Instead of getting lost in the emotion, you have the choice to get back into the driver's seat and here is how:

1. Ask yourself: "Why am I really mad?".  These type of emotions are triggered.  Something about the situation you are in triggers an insecurity in you.  What is that insecurity?  Seldom, if ever, is the event at hand the true reason you are angry. This step gives you insight into why you react the way you do.

2. Once you see the cause you can look at the situation from a new perspective.  At this point ask yourself: "What can I do to make myself feel better about this situation?"  You are not looking for temporary relief, such as screaming at the other person, but for a larger solution that is congruent with who you are at the core.  This step step empowers you.  Often times anger comes from a place of feeling helpless and not in control.  

3. Now instead of reacting you are in a position to respond to the situation and/or person.  You will find that this is a much calmer and more centered way of approaching life.  

And don't forget, when you are seeing red and thinking seems to have bypassed you, BREATHE and count to ten.  Once a little calmer or at least a bit distracted start at step 1.   :)