Hot Buttons

Are there certain situations that make you see 'red' (instantly infuriate you)?  Are there certain words, people or actions that trigger an automatic response from you?  Have you noticed any commonalities between them?  I call these hot buttons.  Everyone has them and children (mine for sure!) are experts at knowing yours.  They know when and how to push them to set you off.

Whether you are a parent or not doesn't matter.  The important part is to realize that these automatic reactions are deep within you and are usually tied to a deep seeded fear/emotion (or even multiples).  There is an underlying pattern that you can detect/examine/get familiar with by careful self examination and observation.  Dissolving these patterns is part of the work on your path to the light.  And if that is not your goal, it will at least make it harder for your kids to set you off (worked for me!).  :)

Here is a personal example:  By looking at one of my hot buttons I found out that I was always playing the part of "the Rescuer".  Whenever I perceived someone being in need of help or rescuing I would step in.  I also realized after some more time, that as a "rescuer" you put yourself in the middle of a conflict situation.  And often times, though your intentions are good, your interference is more harmful than not and not appreciated.  You are also depriving others of their learning opportunity.

For example, my two boys had a period where they started to spar each other verbally.  The younger one, being younger, often got shot down by the older one.  Inevitably I would step in and lecture or yell at the older one, thinking I was doing the younger one a favor and setting an example.  Boy, was I wrong.

Once I realized that I was again using my "rescuer" mode, I asked my younger son if he wanted me to step in for him.  He shyly answered that he did not and that it actually scared him!  That was quite the eye-opening answer for me.  So we agreed that I would not intervene unless he asked me to.

My underlying fear went back to my childhood where I stood up for a loved one when that person was being physically abused.  So any time I saw someone not being able to defend themselves (which was also only MY perception through My filters) I had a compulsive need to step in and defend.

This was only one example of the many facets I discovered concerning "the Rescuer" mode once I started looking.  It is not always easy to see oneself clearly and being coached helped me tremendously.  And thus I would like to send out a big thank you to all the wonderful coaches that have helped me on my way!  THANK YOU!!!