Step Out Of Conflicts

When you feel that someone wants to start an argument or you have already been sucked into having an argument know that you always have a choice to discontinue being a part of it.

Here are some suggestions on how to disentangle yourself:

1. Become conscious of the situation and mentally step out of your emotion.  Become the observer.
2. Keep your energy to yourself.  Don't feed any more words or actions to this drama.
3. Instead of arguing your side, ask questions like, 'what makes you say that?', 'what makes you feel this way?', etc.  Put the focus on the other person.  Something is triggering them.  Figuring that out might help you understand why you were triggered too.  Stick to questions and no answers.
4. If that fails, you can always choose to end the interaction and walk away.  Be open to talking again when the drama subsides.

Repetition

A lot of my postings have given suggestions on how to center yourself.  What is also important to know is that it takes constant repetition and continual conscious effort to do so until it becomes second nature to you.  

Also keep the faith that it will become as natural as breathing to you the more you practice it.  Don't give up if it doesn't happen as quickly as you would like.  Every time you center is one step closer to you living in your light.  :)

Acceptance

Where are you at when it comes to accepting ALL aspects of you?  It is easy to accept the ones you perceive as likable and are your strong suits, but what about the ones you are not so fond of, the ones that are hiding in the shadows?  How do you feel about bringing them to the light and learning to accept them as you do the others?

By learning to embrace and accept the aspects that are currently hidden, you expand and bring balance to who you are.  What you may have perceived as a weakness in you has aspects of strength too.  It is all in the eye of the beholder.

Self Induced Stress

A couple of months ago, my youngest said something that struck me profoundly...  It was in the morning and we were running late.  I tried to hurry him along to no avail.  His calm demeanor prevailed as he said to me: "Mom, it doesn't matter if I hurry or not.  We always get to school on time anyway."

It stopped me dead in my tracks as I realized that he was right!  We always did make it on time.  The only difference was that I was stressed and he was not!  It did not change the result.  I was choosing to be stressed.

In the following weeks I choose to see and live life from his perspective in the morning.  I learned that stress can be totally self induced, because of perceptions and principals we set for ourselves.  I wasn't stressed anymore and he continued to be calm and get to school on time.

I noticed too that it applied to a lot of different aspects in life.  Things need to get done, but I was putting extra pressure on myself.  Letting go of that added stress was quite freeing and led to greater focus and more energy to get what needed to get done done.

Next time you feel pressured and/or stressed, take a moment to see how much of that feeling is self induced. Then, if needed and wanted, choose to let the self induced stress go.  It does make life easier and more enjoyable.  :)

Embracing Your Intuition

Here is an excerpt from "Living in the Light" by Shakti Gawain that caught my attention today:

"Our culture's entire value system is firmly based on the belief that the rational principle is superior and, in fact, constitutes the highest truth.  The Western Scientific tradition has become our religion.  We are taught from a young age to try to be reasonable, logical, and consistent, to avoid emotional, irrational behavior, and to suppress our feelings.  At best, feelings and emotions are considered foolish, weak, and bothersome.  At worst, we fear they may threaten the very fabric of civilized society." ..." In our worship of the rational and fear of the nonrational, we deny not only our emotions and our instinctual energies, such as sexuality and aggression, but also our natural intuitive sense, which is meant to be a primary guiding force in our lives."

How much do you trust your intuition?  Having been trained as an engineer, I very much relate to this.  Logic and rational thinking ruled my world.  There comes a point though where this is not enough.  Something major was missing.  I became depressed and despondent.  The only way out of this bleak state (other than drugs) was to open myself to intuition, to learn about the irrational, the emotions, the mystical and the spiritual.  My world started filling with color again and my bond to Nature grew strong.

The more I trust my inner guidance the more alive I am.  Logic is a big part of my life too.  They are not mutually exclusive.  They actually go together very well, which may seem paradoxical, but isn't.  Just one of the mysteries of life that you simply have to experience.  :)

Embrace your intuition.  It will add a whole new lively dimension to your life.

Body And Beauty

Do you believe you are beautiful just as you are?  Do you love every external asset AND flaw of yourself?

Today spend some time really examining your body in a kind way.  Use all your senses and pamper your body.  Talk/think positively about it.  Touch, see, feel every finger and toe, every part with a loving heart. Thank all parts for what they do for you everyday and for all they have done.  Be loving to all of it (that includes wrinkles, fat, cellulite, moles, etc.!).

Your body is your temple.  Be kind to it and thus be kind to yourself.  This type of exercise helps you become one with yourself too.  Your body is such a big part of you and it gives you so much information as to where you are at and what you need to work on.  Love it with all your might and learn from it.  Become one with it through acceptance/forgiveness and love.  :)

Internal Sorting And Clearing

It's the end of yet another school year, which means that we start going through the kids' closets, revisiting what stays and what goes, what fits and what doesn't.

It is a good practice for you to do the same thing internally.  At certain intervals in time (whatever works best for you) check in with yourself and see what practices have worked for you and which don't anymore.  See what masks/roles you are ready to give up and what is missing.  Make an inventory of where you are at and where you want to be.

Just like it feels great once you get through your closet, you will feel the same lightness when you do internal sorting and clearing.  :)

Life And Change

When life moves forward, always expect change.  One cannot happen without the other.

In Touch WIth Your Higher Self

The fastest way to your Higher Self is to be honest and clear with yourself on everything.  A sure way to know that you are pulling the wool over your own eyes is when you start justifying things in your head, when you start pleading and arguing with yourself.  When you create a million scenarios in your head you are not centered and thus not in touch with your Higher Self.

When you are in touch with your Higher Self solutions are simple and easy to see.  There is no doubt as to what the heart centered thing to do is.  You feel light and super centered.  This is not to say that what you might have to do is easy, but it does feel whole and aligned with your essence.  It comes from a loving space.

Start paying attention to your internal dialog and become the neutral listener.  See what is being said by your head and heart.  Align with your Higher Self, the whole, loving, all knowing you.

Life Lesson Insights

When you are working through a life lesson, you get many chances to work all types of different aspects of the same lesson.  Sometimes you may wonder if it will ever end, or if you are ever going to get it right.

At that point take heart - it is all part of the process.  The following insights can help you along the way:

1. Realize that there are many facets to your lesson, so be patient and curious about the subtle differences.
2. Work each opportunity to the best of your ability.
3. Be detail oriented: the more attention you pay to what you need to learn the faster you get through it and, hopefully, the less often you will need to revisit it.
4. Hold on to hope and have faith when the going gets tough.  Keep this motto handy: This too shall pass!
5. Notice your growth by stepping outside of your situation and becoming a neutral observer of your own life.  What were you like a year/month/week/day ago versus now?  Is there a difference?
6. Give yourself credit for your growth.  You are doing it one step at a time.  Congratulations!!!
7. Know that through your growth you are evolving your soul as well as transforming family patterns.
8. Be open to different solutions.  If you have applied the same technique what seems like a million times, but the lesson is still coming back, see if there is something else you can do.  Take a different approach.
9. Go with the flow.
10.Find the positive nugget of wisdom in what you are learning.  Keep these nuggets close to your heart.  :)

Reawaken Your 5 Senses

Do you take your sense for granted?  When is the last time you consciously paused to really see, touch, taste, smell, and hear?

Take some time today and give each of your senses your focused attention, one at a time.  It doesn't have to be long, only focused and one at a time.  Rediscover the beauty and richness of each!  Rediscover the world around you!

Problem Management

Unpleasant and unfair things/situations happen in life.  When you are leading a heart centered life does it mean that you need to ignore them, always take the higher road, etc.?  Not at all, actually quite the contrary.  It is about finding the courage to confront these situations from a heart centered space and do the best that you can to alter them.

Then, once you have done all you can, it is also critical to let it go.  This is a step that is often left out.  If after dealing with a situation you still harbor negative feelings it means that you either haven't done all you can and/or you have not let go.  Remember, letting go is a very conscious choice you make and is crucial to moving on and releasing any residual negativity.  Rehashing the same story over and over again on the other hand leads to bitterness, resentment and hatred, which of course inhibits growth and change.

So remember: 1. Find your courage and do all you can and 2. Let go.  :)

Gardening

Being in the garden and having your hands in the dirt is very grounding, soothing and replenishing for the soul (the body does get tired...).  :)

If you have the chance, spend some time in a garden and become a part of it.  Whether pulling weeds, getting the soil ready for planting, planting seeds/plants/trees, transplanting, pruning, harvesting, composting, etc. it is a great time to learn to just be one with Nature.  You are surrounded by smells, colors, textures, and life all around you. Inhale it, see it, appreciate it, absorb it and join with it.

As I was turning the soil with a little hand shovel I saw spiders protecting their egg sacks and moving them to  a safe location.  It moved me.  Close by was a patch of mint that emitted a lovely scent.  A Robin decided to sit at the top of the roof and start singing. The Iris I planted a year ago finally decided to bloom in a majestic light and dark purple.  The sky was clear and the air clean after last night's thunderstorm.  All in all a true feast for the senses.  Go out there and enjoy :)

Teacher And Student

For as long as you live you will always be a teacher and a student.  As you interact with another human, you never know if and/or how deeply your actions or words will impact that person's life.

For example, today my daughter had me read a paper she wrote on pollution and air quality.  In it I found out that she chose this topic because of an experience I had had while hiking this winter that I had happened to share with her (while hiking down into the inversion I could literally taste and smell the bad air from one moment to the next). It spurned her curiosity to learn more about the topic.

In turn, here I am now, after reading what she wrote, writing about her and what I have learned.  Life is a wonderful ebb and flow.  The learning and the teaching never stop.  Be aware that everything counts.  Sometimes the smallest deed, action, non-action, or role modeling can change another person's life.  Such is life.  :)

Taboo

I am in the process of reading a book by Cheryl Strayed called "Wild".  It is a true story of her hiking the Pacific Crest Trail which I find fascinating.

In that book she also works through her mother's premature death and describes how she spread the ashes, but kept the larger bone chunks which she then swallowed whole.

I'm not sure about you but this made me feel uncomfortable since it challenged my boundaries.  Ingesting my mother's bones would never have crossed my mind.  Instead of dismissing it because it felt uncomfortable and weird (taboo?), I decided to think and feel into her situation.  The mother told her children many times "I will always be with you."  By ingesting the bones and digesting them it was a physical way of her mother becoming part of her and making sure she would literally always be with her.

There was probably a lot of desperation too, a deep need to be connected.  Anyone who has lost a loved one knows how deep that despair can go and how big the chasm can be.

The reason I am writing about this is to encourage you when you come across something that challenges your beliefs to dig into it and attempt to understand where and why you are being stretched.  Go into a compassionate space and put yourself, to the best of your ability, into the other person's shoes and see if you can make sense of it.  It helps you grow as a person.  While I don't know if I would ingest my mother's bones when the time comes, the possibility is now part of my reality.

Dissolving Patterns

All experiences are opportunities to learn and grow from.  When you understand and integrate the learnings you will find that the old patterns associated with this lesson will go away, because they are of no use to you anymore.  In the process you create space for great new experiences.

So it is more important to focus your attention on what you are learning and accepting these learnings while on your path of life than to try to change a pattern.  The pattern is in your life for a reason, i.e. to help you work though life lessons you have set for yourself.  When you learn your lesson, the pattern dissolves naturally.  :)

Unwinding

In today's hurried lifestyle it is hard to unwind.  There are things you can do throughout the day to refocus, such as conscious breathing (closing your eyes, emptying your mind, and taking a few focused breaths), short meditations, stretching, etc.

I personally find that at least once a month you do need more. You need to take time to give your inner world more space, to take time to listen to your inner self.  It is a resting period, but a conscious resting period, where you are undisturbed and in a quiet space.  You will know how much time you need.

If you are new to doing this, start with an hour of "nothingness".  Find a comfortable, quiet spot and just see, feel, listen to all that is around you and all that is in you.  No judging, no labeling.  Let everything come and go as it needs to.  Be open to whatever comes and doesn't come.

This time is a gift to yourself and is (at least for me) essential to your personal development towards a heart centered life.  :)

Heart Centered Living

As you embrace living from your center you will notice that your interactions with others become more and more heart centered.  The more you recognize patterns in yourself, the more you start seeing them in others too.  Your perspective changes and your vision becomes clearer.  You follow your intuition and avoid being pulled into drama (because you are seeing the larger picture).  And you also are able to state your truth in a respectful, empowering and loving manner.

This is a gradual, subtle process as you evolve and it is amazing when you experience it. Truly priceless.  :)

Goal Assessment Exercise

This exercise will help you identify how much a specific goal truly means to you.  After answering the questions below you will have a good sense of how important that goal is for you.

Instructions:  Take a pen and paper and answer one question at a time.  Try not to peak ahead. :)

1. Is there something you know you want to do and you have for a long time, but for whatever reason haven't done?  What is it?  What are you wanting to achieve?  What is your goal?

2. How long have you been wanting to do this?

3. What has been your biggest obstacle?  What has been keeping you from doing it?

4. What specific action have you taken this week towards it?

5. How will you feel once you have achieved what you want to achieve?

Compromise

"All compromise is based on give and take, but there can be no give and take on fundamentals.  Any compromise on mere fundamentals is a surrender.  For it is all give and no take." by Mahatma Ghandi

Compromise is a part of life.  It is always good to remember that it needs to be a two way street.  It only works if there is a give and take, if both parties meet in the middle and no values have been compromised.

However, when you compromise on your values/basic standards/fundamentals it becomes a one way street and ceases to be a compromise.  You are denying who you are and give up on yourself.  You go into the role of self sacrifice and victim still disguised under the term of compromise.

When it doesn't feel right to you, listen to that feeling.  Search for other options until it does feel right.  Be aware that when it comes to compromising with someone else it is imperative not to bend your values nor have the other party bend theirs.

Two Steps Forward One Step Back

During your journey there will be periods where you feel like you are leaping forward and then you seem to slide back a bit again.  This is completely normal.  You are shifting and need to re-calibrate.   So even though you might be taking a step back, it is part of the natural progression.

What you will find though is that even though you are trying on your old shoes again they will feel old and they won't fit anymore.  So what has soothed you or worked for you in the past is not effective anymore in your shifted space.  That is an important lesson too.  See it for what it is instead of looking at it as a slip up or a step back.  Be good to yourself and move on when you are ready.  :)

Positive Self-Talk

You can practice a move, for example in a sport, a million times and get it down pat.  Your body will remember its execution to its minute detail.

When in a competition though, if YOU don't believe you can do it, you decrease the odds of a perfect execution drastically even to the point of not being able to do it at all.  On the other hand, if you add a can do, no doubt attitude your odds of succeeding increase beyond the physical training.  That is why so many athletes use visualization techniques which include seeing themselves as winners.

What can you draw from that for everyday life?  Overcoming fear is not easy.  It takes courage and self confidence among other things.  Find out what you are lacking the most when you get stuck in overcoming an obstacle.  Then start positive self talk.  Choose a positive mantra that is appropriate for your situation like: "I am beautiful.  I can do this! I believe in me! I will!  I am strong! etc.

Keep repeating it to yourself until you start believing it too. There is something magical about positive self talk.  Your whole body, your whole being starts responding to it and follows your positive thoughts.  Something as simple as the repetition of three or two words as stated above can have amazing results.  This is what the saying 'Fake it until you make it' encompasses.  Even if you don't feel the words at first, they will help you get where you want to go.  Try it!

Strengths And Weaknesses

What if what you perceive to be your weaknesses are really your strengths?  

As you grew up you learned to observe how people reacted to things you said or did.  Depending on how that feedback made you feel, you adjusted and modified who you are, you learned to put up shields, wear different masks, etc.  

Now, as you are working towards finding your center, the more layers you discard the more you go rediscover your pure, original self.  Only that now you embrace yourself as you are and it is irrelevant what others think or how they react to you.  Thus you may discover that traits of you, that you have worked very hard to hide, are sparkling facets of the beautiful diamond that you are, that what you thought were weaknesses are really part of your shining light, your true strengths.

Control

Allowing change to happen is a challenge, especially when you are used to controlling your life.  When your life is under control, it is steady, predictable, routine, comfortable, safe, you know what to expect.

What if you gave up some of that control?  What would happen?  What if you allowed yourself to take a chance, step outside your routine, give up some control and let change in?  Start with something small and see what happens.

Open yourself to expansion, new experiences, new highs and lows (why not?)!  We are here to learn and expand our souls.  Sooner or later, no matter how much we try to control life, life needs to be experienced and one way or another will not be denied.  Our choice is whether to embrace it or fight it.  Which do you choose?

Trust Your Gut!

Sometimes your gut tells you things will happen.  I trust my gut and believe it when I have a strong feeling.  I had this feeling that someone in my team was going to qualify for the State Tournament.  Well the Region qualifying games for State were this weekend and none of the boys qualified.  It was confusing and frustrating for me.  How could this be?  I was sure one would go and I couldn't come to grips with it.

Monday morning I received an email stating that one kid got disqualified from the upcoming State competition and three schools (ours included) had to compete for the one open slot to go to State.  Many obstacles still had to be overcome, but the bottom line is that our School got the slot by winning two more matches.

The moral of the story:

1. Trust your gut!

2. Do all you can to make it happen!

3. Trust the Universe to do its part!  We all operate in our limited view of the truth.  I believed we were done playing because in "the real world" that is how it goes.  And then the unexpected happens!  Even the weather held out to finish the match.  Right after it was done the Heavens opened and it was pouring.  Thunder, lightning, the whole show.  The synchronicity was unbelievable!

4. Expect the Unexpected.  :)

Try it!  You will love it!

Vulnerability

Showing vulnerability is a strength, though most people believe it is a weakness.  What are you showing when you let vulnerability surface?

Here is a list of answers:

You show that you...
1. accept yourself for who you are, all parts.
2. aren't hiding behind a mask.
3. are genuine.
4. are comfortable in your own skin.
5. are able to live your light.
6. care for the other person since you are exposing your feelings and letting this person take a look inside.
7. trust the person.

Deep down everyone wants to be loved.  You can only live true love when you choose to open, when you choose to be vulnerable.

Choices

Every time you have a conflict with another person, you have two choices:

1. you can look at the problem and work on resolving it or
2. you can ignore it and sweep it under the imaginary rug.

Which do you choose?  Number one looks like hard work and it is.  Number two is a viable option too and definitely easier, at least on the surface.  What happens though when the the rug starts bulging from all the unsolved issues?  It will make option number one look like a walk in the park on a beautiful sunny day.

Making Time

Adult interactions with teenagers can be challenging.  They happen on their (the teenagers) terms.  When they are ready to talk to you, they do.  It is important to give them their space and likewise you need to pay close attention as to when they want you to interact with them.

Interestingly enough, when I stop moving around the house and sit down on the couch to read, think, or do some other low key, sedentary thing, that is the time when my teenagers reach out to me in their subtle way.  They will sit in the room with me, maybe ask a question, maybe just be silent - it varies.   I learned that those are the times they are ready to open to me and share their lives.  I learned to put aside whatever I am doing to make time for them, no matter what.

Making time is important for you and also for those around you.  Make time to wind down, make time to find a way to each other when the moment is right.  Make time to really be there for your child when they need your attention.  :)

Happiness

Happiness is not something you can achieve.  Happiness just is.  You are either happy or you are not.  You either feel it or you don't.  The great news is that happiness resides in all of us.  Sometimes, or even often times it is hidden, misplaced or lost.  How can you find it again?

Here is one way:  Children, especially those up to the age of 6, are the greatest teachers when it comes to showing you what happiness is and how to live it fully everyday! Spend time with them, observe them and try to see the world through their eyes.  Put yourself into their shoes.  Empty your mind and be a kid.  See if you can find your happiness again.  PS: Observing them while they play or even playing with them is the best!

Lucky Day

Do you ever have a day, where everything goes your way?  Where it just seems like the stars are aligned in the perfect constellation just for you?

When it happens to be your lucky day, become conscious of it and let it in.  Embrace it fully and allow it to fill your life.  You deserve it!

"Good" days teach us just as much as "bad" days.  Learn from them and keep those lessons close to your heart.  These are joyful lessons that will shine a light on darker days.  :)

Head And Heart

How in touch are you with your heart?  How often do you check in with how you are feeling?  When it comes to making decisions and the way your run your life, does your head or your heart rule?

Letting your heart have an equal role in your life as your head is essential for your overall well being.  When you let your thoughts lead the way all the time you loose touch with your feelings and with who you are at the core, at the center (which is also where your physical heart is).

Take time, especially when you are making life decisions, to check in with your emotions/heart.  Give them careful and fair consideration, or sometimes even let them lead the way.  You are blessed with both a brain and a heart...why not use them both?  :)